end kvetch

TUAW (The Unofficial Apple Weblog) recently posted something about a review by David Platt that totally chewed out the iPhone. Now, I can accept that maybe Apple has made some mistakes but he was just vicious. Now, even though the ol' Plattster has a book published and is apparently doing some keynote speeches at events that sound kind of important I still deem him a nobody. Why? Because, 1) he is declaiming the iPhone from his seat atop his blogspot blog and 2) the site promoting his book is ugly and finally, 3) I've never heard of the company that published his book. This is probably the point where you decide that I'm a hypocrite, I'm a nobody kvetching about a nobody kvetching about the iPhone. However, I have prepared for your response and I have made a list of things nobodies can do:

1. Say "NOBODY/NOTHING is good."
2. Say "NOBODY/NOTHING is great!"
3. Say "NOBODY/NOTHING is horrible."
4. Say "SOMEBODY/SOMETHING is good."
5. Say "SOMEBODY/SOMETHING is great!"
6. Say things nobody else cares about.

Obviously the iPhone, which is the Paris Hilton of gadgets (except it hasn't gone to jail...yet), is a something meaning that only major columnists/newspapers can declaim it but anyone can acclaim it. The MS Zune, in contrast, is a total nothing so anyone can say anything they want about it.

What David Platt obviously fails to take into account is the sheer force of marketing behind the iPhone (and to a lesser extent, anything with an Apple logo on it). There is no other product/company in the world that could motivate half the blogosphere to advertise for them (at no cost). I think it's pretty obvious that the iPhone will sell like crazy.

The only question that remains is "will they also be returned like crazy?". I'm not expert on contract law but it seems like the AT&T contract would at least make this more difficult (if not impossible). If customers will be allowed to transfer the contract to another phone AT&T will be making a killing, they get to harness the marketing-fueled buying frenzy and reap the profits for two years while Apple may get stuck with a couple million iPhones and a bunch of red zeros on their financial reports (I can't even think about it).

Freemacware.com Is Going To Shit

I'm sure many of you mac users have heard of Freemacware.com. When I discovered it several months ago (okay, I admit, I was a little late) it was an amazing Meca of Apple freeware. I was in love.

About a month ago it was announced that it would be acquired by some communications company. I welcomed this news, as more regular updates and greater quality were promised.

However, now it is very clear that the acquisition is a very bad thing for readers. Although there are updates every day now (rather than about five a week) they are anything but regular. In the old days (ODs) you could always count on either an update in the morning or none at all. Now updates can happen at any time and I don't like it.

Then there are the ads. Back in the ODs there was a little Adsense here and no one really cared. After the acquisition more ads started to creep in. Now not only are there ads all-over the place but when you click the "download" link it no longer takes you to the developer's page (which, although not the most convenient was a nice way to find out more about the product before downloading), but, instead it takes you to an ad-ridden page where you must loiter until the download begins. To say the least, I am not pleased.

My Ad Rant

Speaking of ads...what the hell? Who still clicks on those things? Sadly, it seems that we still have too many idiots (who know how to use computers) in the world to put the advertisers out of business. Internet ads are notorious for having no useful content and just seeming shady. So the questions is...why do they work? Because people are idiots. So I guess this should actually be my idiot rant.

1. I am forced to take 15 minutes (or less) showers. (I narrowly avoided 5 minutes showers which would NOT allow time for my conditioner to sit the suggested 3 minutes)

2. My clothes are LINE DRIED. Until you have experienced it you cannot imagine how awful line-dried clothes are; not only are they stiff as boards, they smell funny, take forever to dry and are not compatible with Febreeze-scented dryer sheets.

The following is an example of the environmental insanity I am subjected to:

Me: It smells like horse in here.
Her: Whores?
Me: HORSE
Her: The four-legged animal that one would saddle and ride?
Me: Yes.
Her: That's funny.
Me: It's the line-dried clothes.
Her: If you don't know what fresh air smells like you need to spend more time outside.
Me: This smell isn't fresh air.
Her: Do you know how many people would kill for clothes that smell like fresh air?
Me: THIS ISN'T FRESH AIR
Her: At least it doesn't smell like Febreeze
Me: Febreeze smells good.
Her: It smells perfumey.
Me: Whatever.
Her: Want some granola?

3. Lights must always be turned off. Now, I admit this is a reasonable one– except, I use lights as a reminder system. Say, for example, I have left my notebook in my room while I brush my teeth, I leave my room light on to remind myself that I need to go back there.

4. Stand-by lights now equal the devil. My laptop was unplugged this morning (WHILE CHARGING) because apparently keeping my computer from dying mid-day wastes energy.

Well...yeah...I guess there are only four. Nevermind. (/kvetch)

Today I spent two and a half hours filling out job applications, eating chocolate chip cookies and listening to IAM.

My handwriting resembles the scratchings of a slightly deranged chicken so I felt obligated to type the application. Seems easy but nooooooooooooooooo. Adobe has failed to build a text editor into their PDF reader so I was forced to go third-party. For those of you who own superior computers (AKA Macs) you can put text into PDFs using a reader called Skim. You would think that would be simple too, but noooooo. Not only is Skim a little buggy and crashes every couple of minutes (give it some credit guys it's only v.0.2) but it turns out that text added to PDFs in Skim does not show up when printed. So, I took screenshots of EVERY SINGLE page (okay, there were four) of the document and printed those, in the process compromising quality. I NEARLY WENT INSANE (wait...I'm already insane, nevermind).

There are some real gems in the blogosphere (I'm sure I've heard that word somewhere). Some shining beacons of digital hope include the "Hair Loss Service Directory" (highlights include heist plans for the Rogaine® plant) and "Stop HIV [Treatment]" (in other words, someone who is willing to admit they don't know what they're talking about telling people to kill themselves by stopping their HIV/AIDS treatment). If medicine isn't your bailiwick maybe you'll prefer "My Mobile Blog", which, without a doubt, contains the best gibberish and black rectangles ANYWHERE on the web.

Minima? Is that supposed to be Italian? Does it mean 'small mother'? (Mini ma. For those of you who didn't get that, Remedial Thinking 101 is next door). I flat out refuse to use a theme with a name so convoluted as this, so, from this point forth I will boycott this so-called "Minima" (am I the only one who can imagine the phrase "quick, he's having a minima, get him to the hospital!" being spoken by many a person on ER/Greys Anatomy/House/Scrubs (maybe not so much)/Other Crappy Medical Drama?) The theme I will thenceforth be using is called ZenBlog, and although it doesn't look any different, when you say it no one thinks there is a medical emergency taking place.

P.S. An excerpt from my template's HTML

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Blogger Template Style
Name: ZenBlog (No Longer, "Doctor! I'm having a minima!")
Designer: Douglas Bowman
URL: www.stopdesign.com
Date: 26 Feb 2004
Updated by: Blogger Team
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